I am Joy

It really is time to fan those embers and spark up some glorious energy within your heart. This is especially true if you feel you have been “asleep” way too long.

Last post I made under the coaching pages spoke about doing things a bit out of  character and the ability to be  your true self. This post serves as a continuation of the same theme.

To this end I am going to share a few personal things as it has occurred to me as this is the way I share most genuinely. Plus: it is fun.

I don’t know about you but, personally, I disliked dating. Even when I as younger dating was not something I enjoyed for reasons of self consciousness so in my 50’s it can be a rather unnerving experience. Still, lately, I have been finding the gifts in it all which brings me hope and some advice I wish to share.

A couple of weeks ago I went on a date with a man I had been chatting with several days on line. It was planned to a T and I had great expectations so, of course, the whole things was pretty non impressive in as much as there was no connection to be made. A failed attempt it would seem.

Not long after I arranged a more spontaneous outing with someone new and it was so remarkable in so many ways that I smile still around the various memories. The initial first date led to a few more outings which were equally enjoyable and promised so much more. But timing was bad around work, commitments and emotions for him so we are on hold and it may stay that way much to my disappointment. Another failed attempt? I don’t think so.

A great many folks would look at these two experiences as negative in their results and my old self would indeed have agreed. It was not that long ago I would have torn myself apart with questions of what I had done wrong or why I could not make it work. I would have found fault in myself and really gotten overwhelmed by the negative emotions. But not anymore. Not at this time.

The truth is that I see both of these first date experiences as very positive because as a result of the outcomes of these I have actually fallen in love.

Yes! in love!

I have fallen in love with myself in a way that is deeper and more powerful than I have experienced in myself before. I have come to the realization that I am indeed deserving of feeling content within my own skin and seeing just how amazing I am without the need of approval from others just as I stated in the last post.

Self love is the greatest gift we can offer ourselves.  And what a GIFT!

The truth is no one else can hand it to you. It doesn’t matter how wonderful they are or perfect a fit that person may seem to be, they simply do not have the ability to grant you self love. In this, my dear friends, you are indeed in the driver’s seat.

What they can give you, however, is a clearer view of yourself through their eyes. If you allow it. In some cases meeting someone new allows you to be present for yourself long enough for you to start appreciating who is being reflected back. For the first time in some cases, or maybe in many years for the majority, you may see just how special you are.

This was my experience as a result of both forays into dating recently. I was not about to be anything but myself. In the case of the 1st man, I was not what he was looking for and I was perfectly willing to appreciate that rather than pretend to be something I am not simply to impress. That was quite empowering. In the case of the second, being myself, comfortable in my skin and relaxing my expectations created opportunities of expression of my true self. I allowed myself things like splashing around in puddles after a storm and laughing at the silliness of life and situations with someone I felt at ease with. Can it be more delightful?

Both gave me opportunities to be gifted with great lessons and opportunities to grow. Something in me that I am identifying as personal joy has been sparked awake and you would be hard pressed to now ask me to set this aside. It feels too darn good to know how special I am in light of the things I used to think about myself but a few years ago. I am pleased to allow this side of me to remain visible for others and I am grateful that I was wise enough to see it within myself.

So much can change on a dime and allowing yourself to feel joy for each moment you are alive is transforming. It sparks a fire inside that leads to the ability to burn away any self doubt you may have held onto because of fear. The process for me has been long, and fraught with many barriers and obstacles, yet at this time I feel free of these and I know that it is a result of loving myself enough to be happy in the Now.

I can not know what the future will hold for me in the dating scheme of things but I do know that I am really happy to have discovered myself through the process so far.

I have many things and people to thank for this new growth. Of course doing work that I love with my Mystic projects empowers me greatly as well. Yet it is little things, like facing disappointment with grace, that has made me aware of just how much of who I am I love and would not again sacrifice for anything. I wish for you the ability to fan those embers of joy and find the self love you may have buried.

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